If depicted on to a graph, it is very rare that a relationship will be a straight line.
No matter who you are or what culture you are a part of; your relationship is bound to have peaks and valleys, ups and downs, good and bad times etc.
One day you are sharing words of love, hugging and kissing each other and in no time, you are struggling to get rid of the negative feelings that are associated with the down times.
We are humans and that is our natural tendency- to go through different phases and our relationships are no different.
There might be times when you feel super close to each other and other times where you feel alienated and cold.
No times stay the same and the good thing about bad times is that they pass- but only if you act in time and fix the situation before it goes out of hand.
No relationships break apart in an instant. It is not like one day you are madly in love and the other day you fall completely out of it.
These things always happen over a period of time.
Worse still, these things happen on a gradual basis, like sand accumulating over time to form a dune so that you do not notice it happening in your daily life.
Like that sand, all the negatives and bad vibes of your relationship keep accumulating on top of each other till one day you are left with nothing but a broken relationship.
The good thing however is that once you catch your relationship heading down sour boulevard, you can pause things up and fix them so they do not reach the point of breaking up.
Usually such thoughts and clarity come only once the breakup has already happened but if you act swiftly and keep your eyes open, you can do some damage control before everything just slips out of hand.
Instead of things falling apart completely and you wondering why he went astray or how you failed not to be a doormat, it is better to take action while you still have a say over things and while you still have control.
You might even feel lazy or complacent or might not even feel the motivation to go all out and fix these things however do keep in mind that it will all be worth it in the end and not only you, but even your boyfriend or your husband will thank you for saving the relationship.
You will once again have the closeness you had in your courting days in a truthful relationship that is made up of honesty, compassion, romance and sexual fulfillment.
You will once again feel special and have the happiness in your life that you always wanted and deserved.
Wouldn’t you say that would be worth the effort that you will put in?
Before you learn how to get him back into the relationship, there are a bunch of things that you should look out for when things seem to be on a downward trend.
If things are not going as they should then you are probably self sabotaging your relationship and chances are that you do not realize it yet.
What are you doing wrong?
While the reasons for relationship problems are usually different from person to person, they can broadly be categorized into similar groups.
For instance, things could be sour coz of lack of communication, arguments might arise from a lack of understanding between the partners and a rift or a disconnect can arise between you and your man coz of your need to change him.
In many cases fixing a relationship is as simple as telling him what you want.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself- am I clearly communicating to him my desires and wants?
I want to be adored, I want to feel special and I want him to do things with me but have I made the effort to communicate this to him?
Chances are that you have just expected him to understand all of this on his own without you having to communicate all that.
He’s not going to dream all of this up and just start doing it right one fine day.
This is on you to tell him what you want.
Why keep him guessing only for him to do the wrong thing and upset you.
This holds true for not just the big relationship issues but also for small things like which movie to watch and where to go for a vacation.
If you really break it down to the basics, you will realize that effective communication with respect to such things is not as difficult as it might have seemed initially.
How do you talk to him? Watch your tone.
One of the things that men are wary of about women is the way a woman reacts to certain situations.
Men despise women who nag, reply sarcastically or just tear into a tantrum.
Unfortunately most women do not even realize this problem and continue to exhibit patterns of communicational behavior that are extremely detrimental for their relationship.
In an attempt to try and be assertive, women often veer of that path and become downright rude and often condescending.
At such times, a softer, more honest approach is much more effective.
Say your husband or your boyfriend has decided to spend a Saturday night hitting the pubs with his pals while you wanted him to go watch a play with you.
What do you do in such a scenario?
Are you going to give him a one off night out with the boys or do you launch into a dramatical tirade about how he does not pay you enough attention?
Worse still, are you doing this on a pretty regular basis?
Not only does this alienate him from you and the relationship it also sheds light on a few other things.
First of all, if you feel the need to throw a tantrum or shout at him on a regular basis then clearly this form of communication is not working for you.
He might relent once or twice but that will mostly be because he wants to avoid a scene.
Would you even feel content knowing that he was doing something simply coz he wanted to avoid an unwanted situation?
Wouldn’t you rather he does things for you out of love and respect for you?
On the other hand if your man leaves you hanging and chooses to go out with his friends instead, then you could have a heart to heart talk with him.
Instead of shouting and screaming on the spot and creating a scene, you should talk to him later when your mind has cooled of and you can think rationally.
The important thing is to be completely honest to him without adopting an accusatory tone.
Clearly he has hurt you or disappointed you and you must tell him so in a calm tone.
Shouting and fighting will surely release all the anger you have within you but it is only with a calm conversation that you will be solve the problems and get past them.
Is it really him?
It is very convenient to blame your boyfriend for the problems in the relationship.
Even things as little as those that happen during the course of your daily lives.
We humans do not like criticism (even if it is self criticism) and believe in the attitude of ‘it’s not me it’s you’.
Therefore when he goes out with his friends instead of you on a Saturday night then it’s possible that he already informed you of it and you are reacting as a result of something else.
Maybe you had a bad week at work and wanted to spend time with him to get over it.
As you might be able to see, it is much better to have a quiet talk with him in such a situation.
You also must understand that he might not necessarily be the reason why you feel the need to express anger or why you feel frustrated.
If there are issues in your personal life that are causing you concern and resulting in a vast amount of stress then you need to ensure that you isolate them and handle them on your own instead of letting their after effects spill over to the part of your life occupied by your man and your relationship with him.
If you have pre planned an evening with him and you end up feeling rather miserable as a result of a bad day you had then it is better to sort that out first or avoid meeting your loved one.
When you feel in such a volatile mood, then chances of an unwanted and unwarranted conflict to emerge are rather high.
If your man insists then it is better to explain your reasons in a calm tone of voice.
Do not forget that men are logical creatures and if you tell him something honestly then it is very likely that he will understand.
Do not change him.
Speaking of the personality of men, some women forget that men and women are completely different creatures.
That is why it is said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus and a lot of you out there would do well to remember that.
A vast majority of women however believe in changing their man to how they would prefer him.
They try to change the way he dresses, change the things he eats and even change what he likes.
Some women like it coz it gives them more things in common with their men and others do it as they crave for their man to be in constant agreement with them.
Needless to say both the approaches are wrong.
The reason why you feel in love with your boyfriend or husband was because you saw something in them that made them unique.
Something that separated them from every other man out there.
To change that to something generic or to something that you’d like is to rid of the magic that brought you two together in the first place.
Using enough cohesion, mind games and covert persuasion you can get his thinking to match yours over a period of time but would it really be worth it?
Wouldn’t you rather want a partner who has a strong sense of individuality and presence instead of being a yes man?
If you find yourself in disagreement with him then it is better to ‘agree to disagree’ than to change his way of thinking to match yours.
Treat him right and he will too.
It is a widely believed myth that men grow complacent in relationships.
Once the courting stage is over, so is the romance and most men treat their partners like any other mundane part of their daily lives.
This is not true. It is not just men but also women who fall prey to this tendency and exhibit such traits.
The difference is that many women do not realize that they are doing so.
They will be charming, pretty and sweet to their men in the beginning only for it to fade away with time.
Soon they even stop dressing up for their man and then wonder why he is not showing as much passion as he was before.
They do not realize that this lack of romance in the relationship is not always caused by men and they themselves are probably the cause of it as well.
Ask yourself this question- do you treat your friends and your co workers better than you treat your man?
Do you treat your pet better than you treat your men?
If so then you know that your behavior is the cause of a few problems in the relationship.
The solution to this problem however is rather simple- you just need to show more interest in your man and what he does.
Maybe he wants to go to a concert of his favorite band, an act that you do not like.
Going with him will show him how much he means to you and that you are willing to do things that you are not even interested in.
Offer to do things that he likes, make sure you look good for him and shower him with affection and you will see him doing the same to you.
If you want him to show interest in you then you have to do the same for him.
Zooming out on the negatives.
When you look at your man or when a thought of him crops into your mind, what shape does that thought take?
Is it a positive thought that makes you admire him more or do you often find yourself focusing on his faults or his bad habits?
Does the latter sound familiar?
If it does then that is because a lot of people in relationships, not just women, do this sub consciously.
Familiarity breeds complacency and in such a situation we often find ourselves picking out faults and looking only at the negative qualities of our partners and as a result shedding more light than necessary on the downsides of this relationship.
What initially starts as a little sprout of thought can soon evolve into a regular past time and before you know it, you are constantly dwelling in the negative side of things and getting frustrated with everything since you can’t change it.
This can be something as little as his choice of clothes to his tendency to stay quiet during an argument. In reality it is all in your head and there is a perfectly good chance that you are magnifying the situation and making it sound much worse than it is.
Here is a simple, common advice – dwelling on the negative aspect of things, whether it is in the context of a relationship or in other parts of your life will not get you anything in return.
By doing this you will only succeed at making yourself seem miserable and will waste time and energy boiling your blood for a non issue.
Besides you might end up creating a conflict fuelled situation with him that will result in circumstances that you would rather avoid.
Circumstances that need not be there in the first place.
Before you know it you will start holding grudges against your man and he won’t even know or realize that all this is going on inside of your head.
Be warned that this will lead in you becoming cold towards him and feeling repulsive by his presence and this for sure will lead to the demise of your relationship.
The solution in such a case is to merely focus on his positives.
Every person has good qualities and things that can be admired about them and you would be better off focusing on those.
It has been scientifically proven that by ensuring a positive vibe within yourself and within the confines of your relationship you can greatly enhance the longevity of your relationship.
You are both on the same team.
It is surprising how many people treat their partners as if they were an enemy.
They constantly scrutinize every little thing their partner does, find faults in them as well and have a general lack of trust about them.
It does not take a genius to realize that it is not an ideal situation.
What you want to build instead should be a sense of team spirit.
A bubble within which you and your man should exist out of reach of external influences.
It should be the both of you against the world and not you against him.
If such a sense of belonging is lacking from your relationship then rest assured that you are going to have a difficult time and your relationship most certainly is heading towards splitsville.
To rebuild such a sense of togetherness is not difficult. Such a positive change can be triggered with something as simple as indulging in the favorite activities that you both enjoy or a weekend away to an exciting locale or simple a wild, fun night about town.
It often takes a catalyst like that to make you and your man understand how much you both mean to each other.
This is how to get him back into your relationship and get that fire going at full power.
Mundane life can very often overshadow the magic that lies in your relationship and it takes just a little bit of initiative from either one of you to remove that haze that deters your vision.
As you can read above, breakups or any other sort of splits do not really happen coz of one event, one problem or one disagreement.
They are a mixed pot of all the things mentioned above which when left unwatched for a long time, can result in catastrophic circumstances.
Even the smallest feeling of discontent does not go away but feeds and festers on other problems that might be lurking behind the shadows.
To leave such problems unattended will only spell doom for your relationship and terrible heartache for yourself.
What you can also see above is how easy it is to fix these problems and make your relationship into the best version of it possible.
You do not have to worry about how to get him back or how to get him to see your point of views.
The key on the other hand is in doing the right things and avoiding negative emotions to creep into your mind and consequently your partner’s. The sooner you start working on such things the better your chances of saving your relationship and keeping your partner still attracted to you.
After all, no one wants to leave a situation that they are perfectly happy.
Once he sees that you are putting in the effort and are being amazingly awesome, there is no chance that he will stray anywhere far from you.
Watch this amazing video on how to become irresistible again to your cold, distant and unintersted man! Click Here!