How to fix a marriage on your own

How to fix a marriage

 

In today’s times you are unlikely to find a married couple that have not run into problems during the course of their relationship.

We lead fast lives, believe in instant gratification and when things go into trouble, we have a much bigger tendency to give in than our ancestors did.

Soon the intensity of our arguments increases, the volume of our voices become louder and before you know it, serious cracks start developing in your relationship.

If you have been there or know someone who has, then you know how it unfolds.

Not only is it unhealthy for your mental and emotional state, it also causes you social problems.

Ever seen a couple fighting when they are among friends or when they are out in public.

Looks terrible don’t it? Airing out your dirty laundry like this.

But there is nothing I can do

Things can seem very bleak and discouraging at such a situation.

It is not uncommon to feel as if everything is just falling apart and that there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.

In fact this is how 99% of relationships end – because the people involved in them fail to see any solutions, any light at the end of the tunnel and simply decide to let it all slip away.

Let’s get one thing clear first of all- there is no magic advice or magic pill that can instantly fix your marriage.

Unlike everything else in life, this one thing won’t fix itself and it won’t fix itself in a jiffy.

There is no app you can install or a survey you can fill to simply save your marriage.

The only way you can learn how to fix a marriage is by careful analysis and by paying attention to all the things that are wrong in your marital life.

Learning how to fix a marriage

The first step in learning how to fix a marriage is a simple, yet necessary one.

Belief is a very powerful thing, not just in terms of what you want to achieve in life, but also when it comes to fixing your marriage.

Unless you truly and wholeheartedly believe that it is possible, you will not be able to do anything to save your marital vows.

Remember, that all couples hit bumps in the road at some time or the other and the secret of how to fix a marriage lies in how you handle these bumps or on the contrary, how you do not handle them and let them fester into something much worse.

Do not be mislead by any misleading beliefs, you and your partner, doesn’t matter how different your personalities, have the power to fix your marriage and make your lives better alone your own.

Sure, marriage counseling and other kinds of therapies do work, however the real work start from home, from within yourself.

Belief and the willingness to work on your issues – there are the absolutely certain prerequisites if you want to learn how to fix a marriage.

First off, let’s look at some of the common reasons why problems arise in a relationship in the first place.

Just remember – it takes two people to get married but just one of them to care enough to fix one.

Common reasons why marriages fail

No two marriages are the same just like no two people are the same.

The reasons why a marriage failed are specific to each and every particular situation.

Yet, most of them can be grouped together in a manner.

Especially if you want to figure our how problems started.

Humans, while vastly different individually, tend to show the same kind of tendencies when in a situation of conflict and that allows us to zero down and zoom in on the real causes of cracks developing in a relationship.

Trying to control the relationship

If you take a moment to sit back and think about it, then this is one of the most prominent reasons why people face problems in their relationships.

A lot of people try very hard to control their spouse, their actions and their words. In reality, the fact remains that you cannot control another person.

Even if you succeed and they relent to your whims and demands simply out of love for you, it does not mean that they will heed each and everything you say.

Simply put, you cannot expect a person to agree with you each and every time.

To do so is to ask for trouble in your marital life.

Can you grab sand tightly without letting it slip away?

Maybe for a second or two, but eventually all that sand will slip away. Same with your spouse.

Do not try to always control things or to always force an agreement- it is perfectly normal to have a difference of opinion in a relationship and you should accept it so.

Because what happens when you can’t control them or their views? You feel disenchanted, upset or angry.

Do you see how that can lead to relationship problems?

Have you done that in the past? If you have, then you know why things in your marriage are as bad as they seem.

Similarly, you have to ask yourself whether your partner has ever demonstrated such behavior towards yourself.

Demanding unreasonable things out of you in an attempt to maintain control.

Needless to say, such relationship is toxic and unless he or she is willing to change himself or herself, you should simply make your way out of it and never look back.

Ignorance is not bliss for a marriage

Have you stopped paying attention to your spouse as the years pass by?

Did you get bored of them and stopped looking at them with those eyes full of love, like you used to when things got rolling?

As superficial as it might seem on the surface, this is another big reason why things go from 100 to 0.

This applies to both- your life in the bedroom and outside of it.

While it can often seem to be very difficult to maintain he excitement and the romance of the courting phase of your relationship, it is very crucial to understand that you cannot completely ignore your partner too.

Sure, you both might spend a lot of time together, be in each other’s faces 24/7, yet some semblance of a romantic relationship is required.

If you ignore to compliment them now and then, or forget anniversaries and birthdays or blatantly blow them off just to go out with your friends, then rest assured that it is going to sow the evil seeds of a breakup into the fertile grounds of your marriage.

Similarly, blatantly checking out other members of the opposite sex when in the company of your partner is a suicidal tendency too.

It is normal to get bored in a marriage as time passes by but giving up on your partner and doing immoral things like this is an absolute no no. Similarly, you must ensure that things in the bedroom are as hot and steamy as they were when you met.

You’d be surprised how many marriages fail simply coz of lack of a good level of intimacy between the partners.

Are you meeting their sexual needs and is he or she meeting yours in return too?

If not then you need to start working on it a.s.a.p.

There are many ways and methods of spicing things up in the bedroom and there is no excuse for not trying.

If you want to learn how to fix a marriage then it’s imperative that you get the things in the bedroom under control.

If you do not, then it will eventually lead to a very common problem that any couples face.

Jealousy and insecurity ruins the best marriage

If one or any of the problems above persist for a set duration of time then it will eventually lead to jealousy or insecurity or both.

If you are found checking out other women or men and make a habit of it then needless to say, you partner will get jealous and with time, insecure.

Carry on doing this for so long and they will be asking you for a split. It is not really a mystery how these things happen.

To get to the root of the problem, you have to honestly ask yourself if you have behaved in such a manner previously.

At the same time, the one way to get over these two perils is to work hard to eradicate them.

Do you spend enough time communicating with your partner?

Do you text each other throughout the day?

Are you supportive of him of her professionally?

Do you care to help them out when they are upset?

Remember, acting speak louder than words and when you do any of these things, it shows your partner that you truly care and it eventually helps fix the problems.

Do not let others gain influence over your marriage

Unknowingly, many couples let others in their lives run their relationship or at least influence in a unhealthy manner.

For example, a woman who runs to her parents or to her in laws for every little problem or a man who insists on including his family in everything that he does with his wife.

This is not right for your relationship.

You, as a couple, have to form some sort of boundary beyond which nobody is allowed in, whether friends or family.

If she talks to her friends too much about you and your marriage then you must ask her to stop coz eventually their views are going to impact her decisions.

If you are still in touch with an ex and communicate with him or her regularly, then it has got to stop too.

Even if there’s nothing there, it will sow seeds of mistrust and jealousy in your partner’s mind.

There is nothing worse than letting a person who doesn’t matter to you affect their relationship.

Similarly, never ever compare your partner to any of your ex lovers. It does not matter and it does not help anyone. You will only end up ruining your own relationship and nothing else.

Do not lie

This point is so obvious that it should require no explanation.

No point lying to your spouse, it will only create problems later.

Whether it is lies about who you had lunch with or lies about your finances- there should be no room for such things in a marriage.

The smallest of lies can soon evolve into disastrous monstrosities and before you know it, it has all gotten out of hand.

Do not forget that out marriages do not come with problems. It is not like a bad apple, which might have be rotten when you bought it.

A marriage runs into problems coz of how we behave, what do we do and what we neglect to do.

Blaming other people, or solely blaming your spouse is wrong and it is not going to fix your marriage.

If you want to fix your marriage then you have to take the initiative somewhere, simply coz no one else will.

Maybe even your spouse is not convinced enough to try to fix things but you must not give-up.

Remember what we said above- you have to believe to succeed.

It might seem difficult or impossible but you can do it if you do the right things.

You’ve already started by reading the main causes of relationship problems above.

Once you analyze them in the context of your own relationship you will be able to see where and how exactly things went wrong in your relationship.

Once you understand that, half the job is done and now you are ready to take action.

You just need a step by step plan and stick to it in times of crisis to see success.

Ready to learn how to fix a marriage? Let’s get started by clicking here.